


She can't be your friend...

by et_cetera55



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-07
Updated: 2009-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 01:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/et_cetera55/pseuds/et_cetera55
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know lots have people have written (quite frankly brilliant) pieces based on that last staircase scene in this episode but I've had this in my head for the last few days and wanted to share it with you all.  It's my take on what Arthur was thinking...</p>
            </blockquote>





	She can't be your friend...

**Title:** She can't be your friend...  
 **Author:** et_cetera55  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Pairing:** Arthur/Merlin  
 **Warnings:** None  
 **Spoilers:** Spoilers for 2.03  


 

 

“This has to stop.”

The deep, commanding tone of the prince cut through Merlin. He turned, fearing what he would see. Arthur walked towards him, a deadly serious expression on his face.

“The king would have your head if he found out. There’s no denying it.”

Merlin’s heart sank. Arthur knew he could do magic. But how could Arthur possibly know? He’d been so careful. He hadn’t even told Morgana, even though he’d longed to. He craved a friend who understood him, who knew what it was like to be mired in all this secrecy. So how could Arthur know? Perhaps he didn’t… Merlin decided to feign ignorance.

“Denying what?”

“Your affections for the Lady Morgana.”

Merlin nearly laughed out loud with relief, but seeing the expression on Arthur’s face managed (just) to restrain himself.

“Right…”

Merlin was so relieved that he paid little attention to the ‘advice’ Arthur was giving him. The prince was wittering something about “girl his own level” – Merlin had never been interested in any girl, regardless of her ‘level’. He had long since realised that his preferences lay in another direction,… in fact, currently they lay in the direction of the fit blonde man standing in front of him. Well it wasn’t like anything was going to happen there. It would be him with his hand in bed again tonight. He tuned back in to what Arthur was saying.

“She can’t be your friend, let alone anything else.” Arthur said it so flatly and had such an expression of… well almost of sadness, that Merlin wondered whether the prince was still talking about him and Morgana.

As Arthur left down the stairs Merlin sighed and went to finish his chores for Gaius.

* * *

Arthur sat in his chair before the fire, cup of wine in hand, thinking about the day’s events. Merlin wanting Morgana… why hadn’t he seen it before? Was it because he was too biased? So caught up in his fantasies of Merlin wanting him that he couldn’t see the truth? He snorted with disgust with himself.

He thought he’d been handling his feelings better… ok he’d probably been hiding them – hurling abuse at the boy, teasing him, anything but showing any kind of affection for him – rather than actually dealing with them. He couldn’t seem to stop inventing more and more chores for Merlin, just so that he would be around. Just so that Arthur could see his smile… alright then, as he seemed to be being so honest with himself right now… just so he could see Merlin’s incredibly tight ass.

But as he’d said about Morgana, he shouldn’t even be Merlin’s friend. He could never be anything else. Arthur had grown up living and breathing court etiquette. The boundaries were now so ingrained he didn’t have to think about them.

He slammed the cup down with frustration and stood up. Clearly Morgana had no such idea of the boundaries! That was what he was so _angry_ about – he was angry about Morgana’s complete lack of discipline, not her hold over Merlin’s heart…

* * *

Merlin knocked and entered Arthur’s chamber to see the prince standing in front of the window looking out over Camelot, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Sire?”

Arthur visibly flinched before turning round to face Merlin, a scowl on his face.

“I _will not_ tell you again Merlin. You wait until I say before entering,” the prince ordered in a harsh, menacing voice.

Merlin was used to being reprimanded for this, but by the Arthur who thought Merlin was an idiot, not by this Arthur… this Arthur who was glaring at him with such an expression of hatred in his eyes that it made Merlin want to curl up and hide. What had happened? An hour ago Arthur had been offering him advice about girls. Now he was… _angry_ …

“Sorry,” Merlin said quietly, because what else could he say.

 

 

 

Arthur gritted his teeth and drew a deep breath in. Looking into Merlin’s face for the first time he felt dismay battering through his rage as he saw that his manservant was almost cowering in front of him. _Cowering_ … Merlin had never been intimidated by him (one of the many things Arthur loved about him – whilst pretending to hate it of course). It hurt to see Merlin looking at him like this. It tore at him in a way he didn’t want to acknowledge.

Maybe he had been a bit harsh… maybe… but it was partly Merlin’s fault – he was the one chasing after Morgana after all!

No, it was no excuse – he never wanted Merlin to fear him.

Arthur turned away from Merlin, frustrated with himself.

“Merlin I’m… I just…” Oh how he _hated_ saying sorry. “I’m…” he gritted his teeth again.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

He expected Merlin to make some ‘funny’ comment but there was nothing but silence from behind him. In a way that hurt even more. Arthur ran his hands through his hair – how had a servant got under his skin this much?

 

 

Merlin was frozen to the spot. He had never seen Arthur like this. The air was practically thrumming with the prince’s anger and frustration. He didn’t know what to say.

Arthur turned back towards him, and now the rage on his face had been replaced by such an expression of vulnerability that Merlin found he was having to fight the urge to reach out and hold him.

“Merlin. I just need to know… how long have you…been interested in Morgana?”

Merlin was confused.

“I’ve never been interested in Morgana! Not in that way!”

“Merlin! Don’t lie to me!” Anger flashed across Arthur’s face once more.

“It’s true!” Merlin could see Arthur still didn’t believe him. He didn’t understand why this was so important to the prince. Why he was looking at him with such desperation and hope.

“I have never had any feelings like that for Morgana…” Merlin took a breath, “nor for any woman.”

Merlin was scared to be any more open. Scared to tell Arthur the truth – he didn’t want to lose him. He couldn’t care less about ‘destiny’ and what the dragon said right now, he wanted to be near Arthur because Arthur lit up his world.

 

 

 

With Merlin’s last sentence hope had flared in Arthur’s chest.

“Nor for any woman…” Did Merlin mean what it sounded like? Was Merlin attracted to men, as Arthur was? Whilst not being unheard of in court, it certainly wasn’t something you would make up to stop someone questioning you about a girl. If that was the case, if Merlin was really admitting that, then Arthur couldn’t disbelieve him about Morgana.

Arthur clamped down again on the hope, unwilling to give it free reign until Merlin had been more clear. He looked into Merlin’s eyes – his manservant looked so scared.

“Merlin?” he said quietly, taking a step towards him.

“Yes sire?” the answer came back quietly.

“You have never had feelings for any woman… have you had them… I mean do you like…” Arthur was stumbling over his words in an attempt to phrase them in such a way that Merlin wouldn’t run screaming from him.

“I like men,” Merlin said simply, interrupting Arthur’s efforts.

Arthur’s breath caught in his throat and he stepped forwards again, almost involuntarily. He was now less than an arm’s length from Merlin. He watched as Merlin took a deep breath, steeling himself, and then spoke again.

“I like you, Arthur.”

 

 

Merlin was shaking with fear, regretting immediately admitting to Arthur what he had. He looked down at the floor, embarrassed. A pair of boots appeared in his vision. He looked up to see Arthur, his face inches away from Merlin’s own. Merlin tilted his head to one side, hoping against hope. And then Arthur’s lips were on his lips and they were kissing. Gently at first, soft lips brushing over each other until Merlin decided to push his luck and ran his tongue over Arthur’s lips. Arthur’s lips opened in reply and soon they were kissing passionately, tongues running across and against each other as each of them savoured this new sensation.

It was Arthur who ended the kiss, pulling back slowly and regretfully.

“Merlin,” he said, his voice breaking, “I can’t.”

Merlin looked up, Arthur’s pain mirrored in his eyes, “I know. You can’t even be my friend…”

Arthur turned away, back towards the window, closing his eyes and trying desperately not to feel the ache that was rolling through him. He didn’t see as Merlin watched him with tears of abandonment in his eyes, before silently turning and leaving the room.


End file.
